All What I Learned In Film School In Under 3 Minutes

Hello, I’m Moh, graduate of NYU’s prestigious film school
Welcome to Everything I Learned In Film School In Under 3 Minutes.
Always remember audio and lighting are important, but the story is king.
That said, if your story sucks, you should probably try to make everything look as good
and sound as good as possible.
Some people are going to want to be Tarantino a little too much.
And then you’ll find other people that want to be Altman a little too much.
No one will ever want to be Michael Bay which is a shame, because if they ever did they’d
make BILLIONS of dollars.
Some kid in your class is going to make a film about suicide.
You’ll spend the rest of the semester hoping he kills himself.
Some girl in your class is probably going to make a film about rape.
You’ll spend the rest of the semester debating whether or not to ask her out.
If you want to win an Oscar, you should probably make a movie about World War II or Cancer.
But if you want to make a billion dollars, you should probably make an action movie starring
Will Smith or have Tyler Perry present your movie or do both.
There are only 10 directors you need to know.
Spielberg makes movies about World War II and aliens.
Kurasawa is the Japanese dude.
Fellini is the Italian dude.
Jean Luc-Godard is the French New Wave dude.
George Lucas made Star Wars.
Then he ruined it.
Francis Ford Coppola made the Godfather movies and also a lovely shiraz.
Hitchcock made scary movies.
Scorcese makes gangster movies.
Woody Allen makes funny movies for rich people.
And then there’s Orson Welles who made the granddaddy of them all Citizen Kane when he
was only 25 years old.
What were you doing when you were 25?
Now that you know the important directors, let’s go over the important films.
I’ve narrowed it down to 5.
These are the only 5 movies you need to see in order to be able to survive in film school.
Number 1.
I just mentioned it.
Citizen Kane.
It’s the best.
Don’t be a jerk and try to argue against it.
It did everything better and first.
Number 2.
The Godfather.
One of the most quoted films of all time.
To be safe you should probably see the first two, but not the third.
Much like Rocky 5, I refuse to acknowledge that it ever happened.
Number 3.
Star Wars.
You don’t need to like all of them, but if you want to hang in film school and/or
Comic-Con, you need to be able to recognize any and all Star Wars references.
Things like “Do or do not.
There is no try.”
“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”
Or, “What you talkin’ ‘bout 3PO?”
Number 4.
Un Chien Andalou.
If you’ve never heard of this movie, it’s because you didn’t go to film school.
Un Chien Andalou is the ultimate film school movie.
It’s 16 minutes long and was co-directed by Salvador Dali.
It’s the one where a cloud slides across the moon and they intercut that with a razor
blade cutting an eye.
Just some freaky stuff.
You should see it so you can be an elitist too.
Last but certainly not least, number 5, The Muppets Take Manhattan.
A lot of people will ask why this is even on the list, to which I will respond, “Why
do you hate America!?”
If you want to win an argument, just yell that at someone.
Before I go, I’d like to address all the people that say film school is a waste of
time.
Most of the people that say that never went to film school.
They’re just jealous folks that wished they had gotten credit for watching movies all
day instead of staying up late studying something boring like English or Math.
I’m no mathematics, but even I know that watching John Woo movies all day is greater
than doing something lame like Calculus.
In fact, I recommend that everybody goes to film school unless you’re going to do something
worthwhile with your life like being a doctor, in which case you should probably do that.
And that, my friends, is everything I learned in film school.